Hit Over the Head by Reality this Evening...

I debated on whether to write this post or not.  It is not something I would typically broadcast to even my few friends let alone to the whole internet.  However, I've been thinking lately that I need to be a bit more unguarded with my posting and let those following Levi's journey know more about life with Levi.  I try to not post a lot of negatives and complaining, however, maybe it will show how much we need (not only want) the service dog for Levi if I let my guard down and let you all have a more personal look at this journey.

For those who do not know, we have our house fenced in.  We have 3 gate doors which all have locks on them.  The North and South gates have combination locks and the West gate has a clip lock at the moment but also has a combination lock that we've used.  I knew the South gate was a little loose, but the boys haven't messed with it in a long time so I wasn't overly concerned about it other that I knew we needed to fix it.

I was on the North side of the house with the boys.  Levi ran around the front of the house like usual.  It looked like he went in the house and that was it.  He randomly runs in and out of the house while we are outside.  After a few minutes I looked towards Kasen and told him I was running in to make Levi's supper since I had not seen Levi come back out, I assumed he was waiting on me.  While looking at Kasen a flash of blue out by my parents woods caught my eye. I focused and saw Levi.  He was so far away that I was terrified I would lose sight of him and not be able to find him.  There are things that happen that scares me with the boys.  I can honestly say I have never been so scared in my life.  I unlocked the North gate which felt like it took forever since it is a combination lock and I was trying to keep my eye on Levi.  I told Kasen to stay put and took off running calling for Levi which, of course, he gave me no response. He was on an exploration and had in his mind what he was doing and was not paying any attention to me at all.  By the time I caught up to Levi, he was over a hill and down by the creek and trying to figure out how to get over the creek.  I tried to keep my voice calm and talk to him about what he was doing knowing at any moment he could bolt.  He finally turned and walked towards me, as soon as I got my hand on him I lost it and cried.  We walked back up towards my parents and I had him go in their house and yard since I wasn't sure how he had gotten out of ours.  Kasen was awesome and stayed put like I told him.  I'm sure the tone in my voice was unlike anything he had ever heard.

The reality of what could have happened in this situation is hard for me to shake from my mind.  What if he had headed the other direction to the crossroads by our house where half the cars don't stop at the 4 way stop?  Not even 10 minutes before all of this, I had watched a big truck and trailer fly through that stop sign.  What if I hadn't seen Levi's blue shirt before he had went over that hill?  How long would it have been and how far would he have gotten before I realized he was out of the yard that I thought was locked tight?  The reality also hit me, that had I not seen him, my first thought would have been to head towards the road and the lake near my house. That would have been the opposite direction he had actually went in!  How far and how hurt could he have gotten while I was searching the wrong way?

Levi's service dog will be trained in tracking.  It will be trained to follow Levi's scent.  Other 4 Paws families have posted updates from their service dogs and the majority will say that their service dog found their child in a location that they would not have thought to look.  Those situations could have ended horribly had they not had their service dog.  Today reinforced that Levi needs this service dog.  I need this service dog.  If I had been able to give Levi's service dog a command and followed its lead to its boy, I have no doubt there would have been stress, but nothing like what I felt today.  Today it was all on me.  His safety and well being all rested in my hands and it was terrifying.

This is the 2nd time in 4 years that Levi has gotten out of our yard.  The first time he did not get very far and this time I still don't know how he got as far as he did other than he went around the back side of the yard and I wasn't paying any attention to that side because I thought he was in the house.  I get to a point where I think after 4 years (since the last time he got out of the yard), I could let my guard down and know what Levi is going to do.  Then he does this and knocks me back into reality.  I know I look like a huge helicopter parent with Levi.  How can I not when every time I think I know what he will do, he proves me wrong?   I even check all 3 gates every time we go out to make sure they are all locked.  I was just telling someone today how you can't get too comfortable with Levi.  You can't think you know what he will do even if he does well 9 out of 10 times, it is that 1 time that will knock you back into realizing you can not get too comfortable.  Nothing like this to knock me upside the head and remind me I need to take my own advice.  Levi had managed to push on the South gate door just right to make it pop open.  I haven't seen him even glance at that gate in a long time.

I would love nothing more than to give Levi some independence, some slack in the "apron strings" and let him explore and be a typical kid.  However, he is not a typical kid.  He is a child with multiple diagnoses which include autism and a chromosome deletion that are both known for impulsiveness, no sense of danger and wandering.  The best way for me to be able to let go a bit is with his service dog.  Most deaths of individuals with autism are from drowning after wandering because a lot of them are drawn to water, like Levi.  If I hadn't felt the pressure to reach his requirement ASAP before, I sure feel it now.